Monday, December 1, 2014

wilder in 2014: week 48

Monday, December 1, 2014
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putting on papa's shoes! last week was the longest week in the world, and i can't really remember the week before, in which i totally forgot to take any photos of wilder. oops. i think that was the second longest week in the world, because we were all still kinda sick, kinda cooped up, it was week 3 of nanowrimo (which i finished!!), and blah blah blah. so, here is week 48 with three photos!

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i just really love this little dude.

wilder in 2014: weeks 44-46

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i've bowed to the fact that i'm a terribly inconsistent blogger, and also can nearly promise you that i will not be making any more great commitments to year-long-spanning projects. i mean, you know, unless some kind of inspiration hits. ;) but seriously, i'm kind of terrible at this every week/every day kind of blogging commitment as is evidenced heretofore. and with that apology out of the way, i bring you three weeks of unpublished weekly wilder photos, with another week coming right up! it's your lucky day! i kind of like that I'm publishing these three together though because there is a nice progression from his babyhood straight into all grown up hood. you'll see.

week 44: wilder on pumpkin carving day. aka, one of the last photos of wilder with long hair.


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week 45: the last photo of wilder with his long baby hairs. oh how i miss those baby hairs! i cried twice on this day. i was not quite prepared for the shocking change of him becoming a little boy suddenly. his tatie jamie cut it, and she did a really great job, despite his eventually realizing something was going on back there and repeatedly turning around to see what it was + saying all done over and over. haha.

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week 46: my grown up little boy! look at him! i have to admit its grown on me and i think he looks quite handsome here. my little hardy boys boy. sick on the couch, playing "coca" (toca boca) on the iPad. or maybe it was endless abc's, another favorite. i am amazed at how long the iPad keeps his interest, which does not make me happy and i try to really super limit his time with it. even though he asks for it all day long. ;P

Thursday, October 30, 2014

wilder in 2014: week 43

Thursday, October 30, 2014
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sometimes it blows my mind that my baby is already big enough to ride around on four-wheelers (albeit of the very tiny, toy variety) and run around and jump...not to mention talk! he is full-on talking now. usually only one word at a time but he has thrown out a few complete sentences, too, which is insane to me. how did this happen?? this age is perhaps my most favorite age yet. it's challenging, to be sure, chasing and wrestling and now persuading and explaining everything to him all day long (i basically never sit down or finish a meal, haha). but it's also incredibly rewarding and i seriously can't think of anything that i would enjoy more right now. and it's funny that some days i feel like i'm waiting all day for bedtime when i can have some peace and quiet and alone time without someone jumping into my lap (onto my belly) or demanding me to do something for them, and then after he's gone down i almost want to wake him up and play with him again. what can i say? i find him endlessly wonderful.

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Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Pumpkin Patch! (also, Wilder in 2014: week 42)

Tuesday, October 21, 2014
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over the weekend we finally made it to a pumpkin patch--along with the whole rest of the world it seems, and why not, it was a pretty wonderful thing to do this weekend! we chose a farm that was low-key on the activities list but so picturesque it was killer. there was this whole outside plant nursery part that i could have spent a whole bunch more time in, pretending it was my garden on an english countryside estate;) i am really loving plants these days. too bad i can't keep any of them alive for long!

papa woke wilder up saturday morning telling him we were going to go see goats on a farm and for the whole drive (and rest of the day), all we heard from him was how he wanted a goat (at least that's what we think: "Oahna goak" meant;). the animals were his favorite part, of course. he especially loves to see cats these days.

all the pumpkins and gourds were really beautiful, too. sadly, we didn't get to take a tractor ride because it got too late and crowded, but next year! it was a good day.

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my sweetheart.
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boiled peanuts. i will never understand the fuss. 
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pumpkins!
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and more pumpkins...
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i just love this.
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how do these pumpkins even exist?
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pulling all the gourds out of their bin...
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spying on the goats.
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GOAT!!
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some mean geese.
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a very suspicious cow.
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really more like a viewing barn.
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all the plants!
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these flowers are just dying to be planted in an english garden. by me.
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cute little wagons to pull kiddos and pumpkins around.
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um, and a tepee?
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we tried them again. still not really a fan.
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wilder gives this pumpkin butter on his waffles two thumbs up. 

Sunday, October 12, 2014

wilder in 2014: week 41

Sunday, October 12, 2014
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what i love about this photo is how much he seems like a mini-papa, getting ready to bang on the keyboard. and headphones on littles are the cutest thing.

this last week, my wilder was by turns the fussiest monster to have ever awoken from sleep and the sweetest, most adorable thing i've yet encountered. although i started last week thinking that we were heading into the terrible two's early, i've since decided that most of this fussiness is really teething related. it is not easy to have molars come in! i'm constantly amazed at the way he is growing, learning and developing. i love watching him figuring things out and trying to understand what we're saying. and i've realized, it helps a billion if i try equally as hard to understand what he is saying. all those new words and signs sure do help us out when he is desperately trying to communicate his growing list of needs and wants! he still goes berserk when he sees his cracker cup or hears the word cracker. in fact, the past week he's woken up around 5 am twice and both times asked first for "doggie" and second for "cacah." mama, papa, lars, and crackers (and elmo) are the main things on his mind these days, haha. all week long he asks for papa and lars when we are out and about. he is definitely our little pack animal. ;)


Friday, October 10, 2014

a mother's birthday (and bump)

Friday, October 10, 2014
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things i've learned this past year: i am a mother (who is pregnant), and i am 32, in that order. last weekend we went out at senior citizen hour for indian food for my birthday and then we took a baby bump photo, because pregnancy and motherhood supercede birthdays at this point. i'm smiling in that photo but probably i am thinking about how much bigger my butt is right now and how i wish i could get in the car and just keep driving all night and not go home. at least not that night. 

this is a messy time of life right now. i know it. or at least, the thought occurs to me. but it will not always be like this. there will not always be a sink full of bottles of curdled milk, or a minefield of hard, plastic blocks on the floors to inevitably step on, or bits of played with, never eaten mac and cheese crusted on the underside of my table (and in my bra and hair too). there will not always be unfinished blog posts, unused yoga passes, and wasted (slept through) nap times. there will not always be this insatiable demand for all my love, all my patience, all my attention, all my every single particle of energy and existence. the thought cheers and saddens me. 

if i'm being honest, this was a tough year. a year of many firsts as a mother of this baby-heart-of-mine. a year of daunting feelings—for him, for this period in my life, for this whole process of motherhood. it's hard, is what it is. and i've often felt like i'm failing or not doing enough or not doing it right. i've felt like i'm drowning in the needs all around me, with not enough energy or time or know-how to take care of it all the exact right way. it's been a year of learning that i can't do it all.

it feels like i'm repeatedly asking myself: is this my life?? usually in a tone of despair and while trying not to sob into the sink. 

i've wanted it to be easier. i've wanted to be better at it. i've wanted to be happier. but also, i've wanted to be able to take it all for what it is — a gift. a blessing to treasure. because i know this, right here, even in the midst of the messy and frustrating and hard and exhausting, this is the good stuff. 

some days, i see it. some days, i feel like motherhood has come naturally (and even, blissfully!), but there's also been a lot of times when i've felt completely out of my depth, frustrated, exhausted, lonely, inadequate and on the brink of madness. there have been plenty of days where i've thought that one more toddler meltdown about putting on shoes would put me over the edge. usually that's when i look back with fondness and a bit of envy on those days when i had a still immobile baby, because i can't now remember what that fog of sleep-deprivation and the evening crying jags felt like. or the incredible loneliness of being shut up in a house with a (sometimes) napping baby with nothing but unfolded laundry to keep me company all. day. long.  

i've done a lot of trying. trying to do it all, be it all, sometimes just trying to fake it all—the "best" mother, the "good" housekeeper, the "loving" wife. and i've failed so much and been disappointed so much. 

but recently, i've felt a little peace come back to me. maybe it's some fresh air and alone time. maybe it's letting go of a lot of disappointment, expectation, frustration, and the desire to do and be more that was weighing me down.

i am ready to begin a new year—a year of recognizing everything i have to be thankful for. of enjoying these delicious, taxing, fleeting years of childhood. of seeing all the miracles in my everyday mess. and hopefully, of finding the time to write some more blog posts and go to yoga once in awhile too. 

Thursday, October 9, 2014

wilder in 2014: week 40

Thursday, October 9, 2014
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last weekend when it was suddenly and briefly cold out, we spent some time on the lawn at stone mountain. wilder was in heaven watching all the people throw balls. it was a really quick visit because it was almost dinner time when we got there (why does that always happen?), but i would love to go back with some takeout pizza and a blanket and stay for the evening! especially once it gets a little nicer out.

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watching two guys throw a football, really far/high. completely amazed.
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running free.
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he's not sure how to kick a ball, but he will get right in your face to throw it to you! ;)
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papa and son, striking a pose.
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this. 

wilder in 2014: week 39

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a few weeks ago, my sister in law came in to town and we went out for gelato for my father in law's birthday. it was the first time that wilder showed an actual interest in ice cream, and he immediately tried to take over everyone's cones (mostly mine;). i've tried to share gelato or frozen yogurt with him before, and he was always just tolerant of it, haha. but this time was different! i just love this photo of him with gelato on his nose.

and a few more because i can't help myself.

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"sharing." this is the face he makes whenever he wants to see what's in our mouths, haha!
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Friday, September 19, 2014

wilder in 2014: week 38

Friday, September 19, 2014
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today wilder took a super long nap, for which a very tired mama was grateful, and then woke up so much more cheerful than he has been lately and asked to go outside. even though outside is swarming with mosquitos (which never seem to bite him at least) and the grass is much too high to go wading through, i couldn't say no. bonus, it's starting to smell like fall outside. already?? well, i'm ready. this summer seems like it went by fast but i am always ready for fall.

life with this toddler is really great. i think i may have the sweetest one of them all. just saying. ;)