Sunday, October 12, 2014

wilder in 2014: week 41

Sunday, October 12, 2014
ww 10_11

what i love about this photo is how much he seems like a mini-papa, getting ready to bang on the keyboard. and headphones on littles are the cutest thing.

this last week, my wilder was by turns the fussiest monster to have ever awoken from sleep and the sweetest, most adorable thing i've yet encountered. although i started last week thinking that we were heading into the terrible two's early, i've since decided that most of this fussiness is really teething related. it is not easy to have molars come in! i'm constantly amazed at the way he is growing, learning and developing. i love watching him figuring things out and trying to understand what we're saying. and i've realized, it helps a billion if i try equally as hard to understand what he is saying. all those new words and signs sure do help us out when he is desperately trying to communicate his growing list of needs and wants! he still goes berserk when he sees his cracker cup or hears the word cracker. in fact, the past week he's woken up around 5 am twice and both times asked first for "doggie" and second for "cacah." mama, papa, lars, and crackers (and elmo) are the main things on his mind these days, haha. all week long he asks for papa and lars when we are out and about. he is definitely our little pack animal. ;)


Friday, October 10, 2014

a mother's birthday (and bump)

Friday, October 10, 2014
25 week bump


things i've learned this past year: i am a mother (who is pregnant), and i am 32, in that order. last weekend we went out at senior citizen hour for indian food for my birthday and then we took a baby bump photo, because pregnancy and motherhood supercede birthdays at this point. i'm smiling in that photo but probably i am thinking about how much bigger my butt is right now and how i wish i could get in the car and just keep driving all night and not go home. at least not that night. 

this is a messy time of life right now. i know it. or at least, the thought occurs to me. but it will not always be like this. there will not always be a sink full of bottles of curdled milk, or a minefield of hard, plastic blocks on the floors to inevitably step on, or bits of played with, never eaten mac and cheese crusted on the underside of my table (and in my bra and hair too). there will not always be unfinished blog posts, unused yoga passes, and wasted (slept through) nap times. there will not always be this insatiable demand for all my love, all my patience, all my attention, all my every single particle of energy and existence. the thought cheers and saddens me. 

if i'm being honest, this was a tough year. a year of many firsts as a mother of this baby-heart-of-mine. a year of daunting feelings—for him, for this period in my life, for this whole process of motherhood. it's hard, is what it is. and i've often felt like i'm failing or not doing enough or not doing it right. i've felt like i'm drowning in the needs all around me, with not enough energy or time or know-how to take care of it all the exact right way. it's been a year of learning that i can't do it all.

it feels like i'm repeatedly asking myself: is this my life?? usually in a tone of despair and while trying not to sob into the sink. 

i've wanted it to be easier. i've wanted to be better at it. i've wanted to be happier. but also, i've wanted to be able to take it all for what it is — a gift. a blessing to treasure. because i know this, right here, even in the midst of the messy and frustrating and hard and exhausting, this is the good stuff. 

some days, i see it. some days, i feel like motherhood has come naturally (and even, blissfully!), but there's also been a lot of times when i've felt completely out of my depth, frustrated, exhausted, lonely, inadequate and on the brink of madness. there have been plenty of days where i've thought that one more toddler meltdown about putting on shoes would put me over the edge. usually that's when i look back with fondness and a bit of envy on those days when i had a still immobile baby, because i can't now remember what that fog of sleep-deprivation and the evening crying jags felt like. or the incredible loneliness of being shut up in a house with a (sometimes) napping baby with nothing but unfolded laundry to keep me company all. day. long.  

i've done a lot of trying. trying to do it all, be it all, sometimes just trying to fake it all—the "best" mother, the "good" housekeeper, the "loving" wife. and i've failed so much and been disappointed so much. 

but recently, i've felt a little peace come back to me. maybe it's some fresh air and alone time. maybe it's letting go of a lot of disappointment, expectation, frustration, and the desire to do and be more that was weighing me down.

i am ready to begin a new year—a year of recognizing everything i have to be thankful for. of enjoying these delicious, taxing, fleeting years of childhood. of seeing all the miracles in my everyday mess. and hopefully, of finding the time to write some more blog posts and go to yoga once in awhile too. 

Thursday, October 9, 2014

wilder in 2014: week 40

Thursday, October 9, 2014
ww 10_4

last weekend when it was suddenly and briefly cold out, we spent some time on the lawn at stone mountain. wilder was in heaven watching all the people throw balls. it was a really quick visit because it was almost dinner time when we got there (why does that always happen?), but i would love to go back with some takeout pizza and a blanket and stay for the evening! especially once it gets a little nicer out.

ww 10_4
watching two guys throw a football, really far/high. completely amazed.
ww 10_4
running free.
ww 10_4
he's not sure how to kick a ball, but he will get right in your face to throw it to you! ;)
ww 10_4
papa and son, striking a pose.
ww 10_4
this. 

wilder in 2014: week 39

photo 1

a few weeks ago, my sister in law came in to town and we went out for gelato for my father in law's birthday. it was the first time that wilder showed an actual interest in ice cream, and he immediately tried to take over everyone's cones (mostly mine;). i've tried to share gelato or frozen yogurt with him before, and he was always just tolerant of it, haha. but this time was different! i just love this photo of him with gelato on his nose.

and a few more because i can't help myself.

photo 2
"sharing." this is the face he makes whenever he wants to see what's in our mouths, haha!
photo 3

Friday, September 19, 2014

wilder in 2014: week 38

Friday, September 19, 2014
ww 9_19


today wilder took a super long nap, for which a very tired mama was grateful, and then woke up so much more cheerful than he has been lately and asked to go outside. even though outside is swarming with mosquitos (which never seem to bite him at least) and the grass is much too high to go wading through, i couldn't say no. bonus, it's starting to smell like fall outside. already?? well, i'm ready. this summer seems like it went by fast but i am always ready for fall.

life with this toddler is really great. i think i may have the sweetest one of them all. just saying. ;)

wilder in 2014: week 37

ww 9_10


last week Wilder was sick. it is kind of terrible to have a feverish baby. especially when they wake up super early with a fever of 102. so we lounged in our pajamas watching baby signing time and ripping up kleenexes for a lot of the time. it wasn't the most exciting week, but the extra cuddle time was really nice. don't you love toddlers in jammies? i kind of wish he could wear them all the time. :)

Monday, September 8, 2014

wilder in 2014: week 36

Monday, September 8, 2014
ww 7_6

among the top things wilder loves these days: his teddy bear. i thought it would never happen, but he finally bonded with that bear. sometimes at night he won't nurse without him. and definitely if we read any book where there's a teddy bear, he must have his bear too! it's so sweet. i'm not even totally sure where that bear came from. possibly loverboy gave it to me at some point?? anyways, he's in good hands now.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

wilder in 2014: week 35

Saturday, September 6, 2014
ww 8_30

last week we went to a church conference in jacksonville, florida. saturday evening, wilder watched baby signing time on my laptop while i watched the meeting from our hotel room on the tv. what you can't tell from this photo is that he is quite exhausted, but just can't tear his eyes away from "bebe" (which is what he calls baby signing time). poor bebe. he was laying all over those pillows but refused to close his eyes for the whole hour! also, this little guy has been getting a lot more screen time than usual lately. oh well, next week is another week, right?

Monday, August 25, 2014

wilder in 2014: week 34

Monday, August 25, 2014
ww 8_24

every night before bed, after i nurse him, wilder gives me the deepest hugs. he likes to grip both sides of my head in his tiny little hands and press his face into mine and really smoosh his hands into my hair. i like it too. ;) sometimes these hugs just go on and on, and i wish they would never end. they are my favorite part of bedtime, and i feel so lucky to be the recipient of all this love.

will you stay like this forever my wileybear?

xxoo,

mama

Thursday, August 21, 2014

wilder in 2014: week 33

Thursday, August 21, 2014
ww 8.15

last week wilder got to partake in one of his other favorite activities, aka terrorizing lars. i think lars is warming up to him;) although he obviously doesn't appreciate having his tail stepped on. i couldn't resist adding in some of my other favorites from this little photo shoot of this boy and his dog. aren't they cute together?

ww 8.15
doesn't it look like they've been caught in a compromising situation? haha!
ww 8.15
lars' nose is wrinkled slightly but i promise it's all in play. he really loves wilder ;)
ww 8.15
this is my favorite monkey of all time.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

wilder in 2014: week 32

Tuesday, August 12, 2014
ww 8_7

last week we visited the farm of friends of ours in Athens, Georgia. they have a garden, free-range chickens (as you can see), 2 pigs and a lot of dogs and cats. plus, 2 turtles. and they're getting goats too, soon. it's a new farm, so they will probably have double that amount by next year, who knows! ;) we had a good time checking out all their animals and land. wilder loved roaming free and picking up big, sharp tools, to his mama's everlasting anxiety attacks. i will say one thing about this kid though and that is that he doesn't get too close to the animals. it's like he knows they are not to be messed with, so that keeps me breathing easier at least. the chickens he did not know what to do with. the dogs he completely ignored. but the hoe! that is another matter. haha. i told them i would send him back to help work the farm when he gets bigger. doesn't he just look like he's in his element?

Thursday, August 7, 2014

wilder in 2014: week 31

Thursday, August 7, 2014
ww 7.29 (31)

last week we met some friends at the Botanical Garden for an afternoon of petting bunnies, walking on the lawn and eating popcorn and watermelon. fun was had by all, especially by this little dude who didn't slow down for one second. he was much more interested in power walking than in the petting zoo, haha.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

wilder in 2014: week 29

Wednesday, August 6, 2014
ww 7.15 (29)

this photo! is one of my all-time favorites of this series. i just adore his little face (and those feet!!), cuddled up with papa on our beach vacation. there is nearly nothing better than watching your babies with your man. i love this cuddle, small, squishy stage when i can still bundle him up in a ball in my arms. i love it so much.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

wilder in 2014: week 28

Tuesday, August 5, 2014
ww 7.11 (28)

i guess all this catch up is going to be slow going. i forgot i still haven't posted last week's photo! i'm skipping week 27, because i figure our baby announcement photo can double as a weekly wilder. kapish? the good news is that there's only one other missed photo, so we're almost done, which i'm sure is a huge relief because aren't you just so bored of them? ;)

wilder = i told you he liked red fruit. he looks like a blood-covered vampire baby whenever he eats cherries, which is often these days. if you could only see his crazy eyes when i'm pitting those cherries for him. give them to me!!! 

Friday, August 1, 2014

16 week baby bump (#2)

Friday, August 1, 2014
7.31

so here is my very much 16-weeks-pregnant baby bump, although this dress is magical, so you really can't tell that i already look way more pregnant compared to my first pregnancy. that's normal, i hear, but still alarming when suddenly all of your clothes don't fit anymore and you're barely out of first trimester! i bought very few maternity clothes last time, because it took forever for that baby to show, but this time i don't think that's going to fly. good thing i had this dress in the back of my closet. it didn't really fit pre-pregnancy size, but i couldn't get rid of it, because it's such a happy color. and turns out, it's magical, too, so that worked out.

technically i will be 17 weeks tomorrow, and this photo is from last saturday, so in all honesty, that bump has probably doubled in size. i'm choosing to see this as a good thing, because that means that i look legitimately pregnant and not just like i had one too many chicken biscuits (which is also true. neither of my babies have craved salads or quinoa in utero. what can i say, but darn, right?;).

so apparently we have only 5 months left of pregnancy. when i read that today on my pregnancy app, i was a little shocked, because it seems like it just happened. but then i remembered how sloooowwwllly that second half of pregnancy went by last time, so i'm not too worried.

i've been feeling a little bit back to normal recently, so emotionally, things are really looking up. i'm even excited to be a stay-at-home mom again! and this week, i've been treasuring up all the time i have left with my only child. only 5 more months with just him and me! although i've always, always wanted a big family, and i adore the thought of a huge brood, there is also something kind of sweet and magical about only children, don't you think? the one on one time they get with their parents and vice versa! it's my mission to fully enjoy these last five months of just my toddler and me. we really get a long swell together, so it shouldn't be too hard.